Cancer and Big Girl Panties

My name is Brandy and I have cancer, it doesn't have me. I was diagnosed with uterine cancer in the Spring of 2014 at the age of 38. I had to have a complete hysterectomy and then went on to chemotherapy and then radiation.

That was a fucking hard time in my life. I tried to get through it the best I could, the way I get through things. I often pushed myself to do things for my kids, to do just a little bit of housework or try to accomplish some projects that needed done. I had no family to help me, no one was coming over bringing meals, no one was here but me and my kids. I had good days and I had bad but no matter what my day was, life kept happening around me. So here I would sit, lay, sleep and do what I could when I could. I knew if I had to run out to grocery shop, I would need time to rest later. I knew if I had a parent teacher meeting in the evening, I would have to rest up during the day. I would try to do as much as I could to still function and feel some semblance of normal.

I tried to keep positive and see all of that as a part of the journey of my life, as something I was dealing with and would overcome. Some days I could do that, other times I cried and felt like crap but one thing always there, always inside me was a fighting spirit. People who knew my journey told me that my attitude was inspirational. That warmed my heart but I wasn't trying to inspire anyone, I was just dealing with things the only way I knew how.

I don't think I am special or unique, I think I just do things the way that is best for ME. Everyone is different and handles situations in their own way. I don't want to be seen as better or worse than anyone else in the way I deal with things. This is MY way and it may or may not apply to others.


I also had great friends that would let me vent my frustrations when I had them. People who, while they don't live close, are near and dear to my heart. If not for them I would have felt a lot more isolated and alone. They encouraged me and believed in me and I was able to draw strength from that as well.

My journey isn't over, I'm on to the next fork in the road. I have two new cancer spots in my abdomen and have to have surgery and then on to more treatment. I am going to try to handle it the best way I can for me. Some days I will want to do nothing but then there is a voice inside me that says "Bitch, put on your big girl panties, suck it up and do something."

As I enter the new chapter in my journey, I hope to be able to balance things as I did before. I know my body will be going through a lot. I will need time to heal from surgery and I will need to rest to let my body fight. I also know that life will keep happening no matter how I feel. My son will still need to go to soccer, I will still have dishes that need done, meals that will need cooked (microwaved at the very least) and the holidays will come and go. I just have to keep organized and be able to fit in as much as possible. I will need to allow some flexibility for my body to get what it needs but I also will have to try to do as much as I can when I can.

You often have to take things day by day or even hour by hour but even the little things you accomplish can make you feel like you have had a victory. It could be just unloading the dishwasher, folding some laundry or even just getting up and getting dressed but each thing you can accomplish while fighting for your life can make you feel like you won a small battle. Give yourself a little cheer when you can get something done but don't get down on yourself when you cannot. Everyone's fight is different and you need to listen to your body and make the choices that are right for you.

Bumps In The Road

I would never want to be the type of person who just gets handed things because of affluent parents.

My brother and I were raised by my grandparents since we were very little. My grandfather was a mechanic

Mine was grey but this is a '77 Sunbird.

and my grandmother was a homemaker. We were not rich at all. Most times we were on a very tight budget. Every weekend I remember going to yard sales and flea markets with them. We would take trips to Missouri  now and then to visit my grandfather's family. I never, and still have not, been to Disneyland. I didn't get a new car when I was 16. I got a 1977 Pontiac Sunbird that wasn't shiny but reliably and safely got me around. I worked and paid for my own gas and part of the car. I wouldn't go back and change a thing.

I've been through a lot in my life. Some major ups and downs... struggles and joys. I've had to work and fight for everything and often I think I should write a book about it all. I don't want to go into details now about it all but my close friends know some of it. Maybe someday I will write a book, who knows. However, now I am 38 ...39 is closing in fast... and I have cancer.

The big C ... I was surprised to say the least. However, I don't feel like I am going to die. I have no dread, no sadness, no fear. I just cannot wait to start feeling better. For the past little over a year I have been feeling fatigued after only a little activity, muscle weakness and aches, occasionally I have been overly emotional and sometimes unable to focus on tasks due to severe anemia the cancer was causing. It is uterine cancer and was causing irregular monthly cycles. Not too bad at first, an extra cycle here and there that I blew off as stress related. Then it got worse and I would only go a few days to a week between cycles. That is when the doctors had me start with tests and I was diagnosed. Even from the diagnosis date, I was only relieved to know what was wrong and that it could be treated.

Two and a half weeks ago I had a complete hysterectomy. It was done with the DaVinci Robot and my healing as been very quick. I wonder if the doctor makes "pew, pew, pew" noises when doing the surgery with the robot. "Commander, we have the Death Uterus in our sites, permission to fire lasers" Pew Pew Pew! I have been up and about since the night of surgery and while I was moving slower and was sore around the middle, I felt good.

Since surgery I was informed that they staged the cancer at a 3 and I will need chemo and then radiation. The doctor said I would lose my hair. So I cut 10 inches off to donate. Chemo will be starting in about 3 weeks once I am completely healed from surgery. I will totally rock a blue or pink wig!

People have messaged me to say how my positive attitude is inspiring but this is just me really. I've fought my way through my life, so really there is no other way I know how to be. I wish I could explain how to take a bad situation and look at the positive side and not be constantly depressed. If I knew how to explain it, I would happily for all the people out there who are depressed and feel like they are being pulled under. Don't get me wrong, I have a bad day now and then. It's allowed. Terrible stuff happens and we are allowed to feel bad about it, the key for me is that I allow myself to feel bad for a moment, an hour, a day and then I get over it. Something inside me says "F this cancer, you totally will get through this and be stronger after".

Maybe in having to fight and work hard for everything, I don't see limits only possibilities. I appreciate things because I've worked for them. I wouldn't go back and change any of the good or bad things I have been through because those things have taught me so much. My experiences have added to the story of my life. It's like the Train song "These bruises make for better conversation"

Only The Positive People

Today I have my latest rant for you about unsupportive people. I have no place in my life for people who are trying to drag me down. I want positive people in my life and the people who are not, are being CUT!!!

"What got Brandy fired up?", you may ask.

Well, let me tell you!

My ex-husband called to speak with our son.  After they spoke, I chatted with him. I tried to share a few possible work directions I have going on in an attempt to be nice and social for my son's sake. For those of you who don't know me, I've been working from home for the past 3 years in Second Life and online.

As I was telling the ex about these work things he says,"You will do anything to not get a real job!"

A real job?!?! Like working from home is not a real job because I define my own schedule and don't have to punch a clock. Even more important to me is that I get to be here for my kids! Self employment isn't for everyone, but it works perfectly in my life.

 I hung up on him.

There have been other people in my life that have only served to drag me down too. I'm over it...those people are no longer welcome in my world. I'm the a supportive friend to people but it is very important that I feel supported by them too. Relationships should be give and take...not give give give till it hurts. The sort of people who never give back are just emotional vampires.

So from now on, only positive relationships for me. I'm not saying my friends have to be happy and cheery all the time, I know people have ups and downs and I will be there to support them. I just expect it to be a two way street. It's time for a spring cleaning! I'm not saying just dump people, but examine the relationship and see if it is one that is really healthy for you.

Having positive people in your life will make your days better. Period.

I have a few amazing supportive people in my life. They add so much richness to my day. Most of all my best friend, Seth. I've said it before but he is always there for me and I will always be there for him. Good and bad ... because that is real friendship.

He wrote this great song about friendship and being there for people.

Second Life Performers Support Each Other

One of the things I love about the live music scene in Second Life is how much performers support each other.

I am arranging an event in Second Life in support of Seth Regan’s (Mankind Tracer) Indiegogo campaign to help fund his next album, “Left of Center”. If you are reading this and don’t know who Seth and I are, he is my best friend, business partner and I manage his musical career. He is one of the most generous people I know. He is always there for me when I need someone and for others too. So arranging this event was the least I could do for him. If you don’t know his music...check HERE.

I approached a few performers and asked them to do 30 minute sets during this event. Without a blink Noma Falta, Maximillion Kleene and Savannah Coronet said yes. I also wanted to make the event more than just music, so I asked well known SL stand-up comic Lauren Weyland to be involved as well and she agreed right away.  Find the event deails HERE.

This sort of support from SL performers just made me smile ear to ear. Seth has given over 6 years to the Second Life music community with live concerts, donating his time and shows to charity events and even helping friends with personal events to cover a need. It is great to see performers coming together to support him.

Check out Seth’s Indiegogo campaign HERE

My heartfelt thanks go out to Noma, Max, Savannah and Lauren!

Supporting Independent Musicians Or Big Labels?

I saw this quote today on Facebook in one of my friend's feed. I did share it on my page as well and it really got me thinking.

Do I want to support a big label musician buying a new Mercedes or would I rather put my money back into the independent music community?

As someone who manages and works with indie musicians, I would rather support the struggling indie musicians.

If it is a Second Life indie artist or a real life indie artist, the chances are that my dollar will be going to help feed and house them, not buy their next line of coke or pay for their big house and the BMW in the drive.

When I go to see a Second Life performer, I always tip them. On average I tip 200L$ - 300L$ or more if they are a close friend or someone I particularly enjoy. In SL 250L$ equals approximately ONE DOLLAR. It is absolutely worth $1 to get an hour of live music streamed to the comfort of my home. I also will always tip the venue about the same amount because the venue is paying the performer and usually relies on venue tips to recoup at least part of that expense. They cannot sell booze and the only way a cover charge will work is for most venues to get on board. There are tips only venues in Second Life, a plethora of them actually, those venues I might tip a little less because I know their expenses do not include paying the performer but mostly I do frequent the venues I know are paying the musicians at least something.

Another way to support indie musicians is to buy their music. Sometimes musicians in Second Life will have SL CD's you can purchase and often those CD's can be listened to in SL or downloaded to your computer as MP3s and typically it is less expensive than purchasing them on the web. However, if your favorite musician doesn't have a SL CD, go buy the music online.

Just because a musician is popular or books for a higher fee does not mean they are wealthy. They may be struggling financially, like most are these days. Forgetting everything else, what they are offering you is their heart and soul in the music they have worked long and hard to write and perform and that deserves respect. Musicians do like to hear nice things about their music but they also have to put food on the table, clothing on their children and make repairs to their homes. Unless a musician shares their financial situation, we don't know what's going on in their lives.

I understand that it is hard sometimes to tip because you might be struggling as well in real life and cannot afford to buy L$. One possible and fun solution might be to get an enjoyable job in Second Life which will also help you make some tip money. Especially for live music fans. There are more venues in SL than you can shake a stick at. Maybe apply for a venue hosting job, then you get to listen to and support the musicians and make some extra money as well. I know that if I went out in real life to the local pub to listen to my favorite local band,  I will have to take time to get dressed up, do my hair, maybe grab a bite to eat, buy expensive gas, pay a cover of  $5- $20, depending on the pub and performer, buy a couple drinks, tip the bartender, pay a babysitter.... we are talking an easy $100 for one night out.

Going to live music in Second Life saves a LOT of money. I can sit here in my PJ's while my kids are sleeping and go see a couple musicians, grab a snack from my fridge and enjoy myself and at the same time, support an indie musician and venue with just a few dollars of tip money.

I can almost guarantee you that all the musicians in Second Life are not getting rich by performing. What they are getting is a way to help them make more music to share with you.

Finding The RIGHT One In SL or RL

Last night I posted this on Facebook:

A friend and I were talking about the subject of dating tonight and he said to me...

"So you dream big, and won't let yourself be side tracked by anything or anyone that is not going to advance your dream"

My response to that was "I'm very driven and I want to be with someone who wants to be part of my dream"

The more I think about it... the more I am sure that is accurate... if the person we are with is the right person, they will share in our hopes and dreams and help us work towards achieving them!

I felt the need to expand upon this because it really has stirred something inside me... I guess it stirred up some anger. There are always going to be compromises in relationships, where to eat, what movie to watch, what car to purchase, but not your life's dreams and goals!

I work full time in Second Life as my career, therefore, 95% of the time I spend in SL is for work purposes. That being said, I also have wonderful friends in Second Life that I could just not do with out. The friends I speak to the most are the friends I also work with like Seth Regan (known in SL as Mankind Tracer), my best friend, who is my business partner and the musician I manage. Often times we will be talking about work or music and also life, kids, books etc. The friends I don't work with, I just am not able to keep up with as much, but I know most understand that while I may be logged into SL, it is not for recreation and when I have a moment here or there, I do message them or join them at a concert. They also know that they can message me because I have mad multitasking skills and can chat in IM with them while I have 4 or 5 IMs going. Response time might be a little slower but that is just how it is.

For the people who do not understand, I only offer you this.... if I had a tradition job, would you be upset if I couldn't talk often while I was at work?

My Second Life is far from typical and I don't expect everyone to “get it” but I do expect to be respected.

If someone wants to be part of my life in a dating capacity, I want them to be proud of the fact that I am driven and goal oriented. If they do not share my goals, I expect them to be supportive in the very least and understand that this is who I am and what I do. Just as I would be supportive of their career and help them any way possible. We should all expect this because if the person we are dating cannot be supportive or helpful in achieving our goals, who will be????

Sometimes you have to face facts that you and the person you are dating want different things and that is okay. I would rather know early on that the paths chosen for life do not match and be able to be friends than frustrate each other trying to make things work. I know I sure don't need the stress of that in my life.

I know people who are so in a hurry to find love that they lose sight of the fact that they need to find the RIGHT person to love. Love is not a race and you will not die from being alone. Take your time and let the right person find you. Cultivate healthy friendships that can give you companionship. This goes for Second Life and real life. I also, firmly believe that the very best relationships have great friendship as the foundation, so take time to get to know someone and find out if you even want the same things in life.

In Second Life we have the opportunity to meet and interact with people from all over which is great, however, those people also have a chance to hide behind an avatar and put their “best face forward”. It is even more important to get to know someone you are dating very well in SL. I encourage everyone to use voice or even webcam and Google search their name and before you meet in real life spend the money to do a back ground check. You can never be too cautious!

I guess what this all boils down to is, that if the person is the RIGHT person, SL or RL, they will be supportive of your dreams and want to be part of them, not try to derail them. Sometimes dreams and goals will change as you change and that is fine but your significant other should still be supportive and flexible.

We Are All A Little Weird Sometimes

Open Your Eyes & Look Around

Sometimes we feel like something is missing in our lives because we are single. Like some empty hole we are trying to fill but never quite manage to. There can be temporary fixes, throw sticks and leaves over to cover the hole, but it is still there and if we step on the cover we fall back in.

I think I have many time watched Second Life friends bouncing from one relationship to the next trying to fill that hole only to get satisfaction for a week or two but never really find what they are looking for.

This brings to mind some song lyrics:

Weird by Hanson:


Isn't it weird. Isn't it strange.
Even though we're just two strangers on this runaway train
We're both trying to find a place in the sun
We've lived in the shadows, but doesn't everyone
Isn't it strange how we all feel a little bit weird sometimes
Isn't it hard. Standing in the rain.
You're on the verge of going crazy and your heart's in pain
No one can hear though you're screaming so loud
You feel all alone in a faceless crowd
Isn't it strange how we all get a little bit weird sometimes.
Sitting on the side waiting for a sign, hoping that my luck will change.
Reaching for a hand that can understand, someone who feels the same.
When you live in a cookie cutter world being different is a sin.
So you don't stand out. But you don't fit in. Weird.
Sitting on the side waiting for a sign, hoping that my luck will change.
Reaching for a hand that can understand, someone who feels the same.
When you live in a cookie cutter world if you're different you can't win.
So you don't stand out but you don't fit in. Weird.
Isn't it strange how we all feel a little bit weird
Strange, how we all get a little bit...
Strange, 'cause we're all just a little bit weird sometimes.

Watch the live performance here.


I think these lyrics really had SL in mind... we all have our eccentricities and quirks but in Second Life you might fit in where in real life you might feel weird for whatever reason. Second Life is a global environment with many subcultures. You might be a poet, a fantasy lover, a coder, a musician or any number of things and Second Life has others like you but even in SL you need to open your eyes to the things around you.
What you really might need could be staring you right in the face.

Now, don't get me wrong, I believe in love and happy endings and butterflies and poofy hearts, however, I don't think we can make those things happen by force. They have to happen naturally. The old expression "a watched pot never boils" is so true. If you go looking for love and jump from one person to the next, you are just watching your love pot that will never boil. When you stop looking for love and find fulfillment in the things around you then love might just find you.

Take stock of your friendships and see what they offer you. Many times friends are not only friends but they are companions and confidants. They are there for you through the good and the bad. Is there someone in your life that is not a romantic attachment that you couldn't do with out? Someone you share everything with? Someone who deals with your PMS, your break ups, your insecurities, celebrates with you, loves you inclusive of your flaws and holds your hand when you need it?

Take stock in what you have because you might not have that Snow White romance but you may have a friend who fills areas for you. So just chill out, fill your hole with the things you do have and stop worrying about what is missing because if you open your eyes and look around there might not be much missing.

Little Help From Your Friends

Brandy & Seth @ Club Graffiti

I am very fortunate to have some great friends in Second Life. During the past week that I have been dealing with my recent loss, my friends have been so supportive and caring. They have IMed me to see how I am and offer words of encouragement, they have offered to kick "his" butt for me, they have kept me distracted and have been overall wonderful. To all of these friends I want to thank you because with out you I might not have been able to rise above this so quickly. I love you guys!!

I still have my moments of course and unanswered questions but that is natural. I think that I will always have questions because things have been left with no closure but over time those questions will cease to be important.

I want to give a HUGE shout out and thank you to my very best friend, Seth Regan/Mankind Tracer in SL. He was there for me from the moment I found out that the now ex-boyfriend was a fraud. Seth has been so supportive and caring and I really do not know what I would do with out him. Since we became friends over a year and a half ago, Seth has been my rock!

If you are going through a rough patch, I encourage you to reach out to your friends. They can be the best support system you could ask for. Even if you don't live nearby, they can still be there for you to listen or distract or empathize.

Your friends do care about you and your well being. Sometimes opening up to people can be difficult, but in the end it is worth it because your real friends will care and be there for you. They also might have a similar story that you can relate to. The greatest thing about Second Life is the global community that we have and can have friends from all walks of life.