The Battle of Chemotherapy Part 2

Before cutting my hair to donate.

My hair has always been a source of vanity for me. Right before I started chemo, it was very long and black and shiny. I loved it and knowing I was going to lose it, made me a little sad but I decided that instead of being sad, someone else should benefit.

So I took my hair when it was completely dry and made small ponytails up to my shoulders. I took the scissors and started cutting right above the ponytail holder. I decided that before I lost my hair, I would donate 12 inches of it to help others. It was empowering to know that my loss could help someone else. If you are planning on doing the same, remember to do this when your hair is totally dry because I read that often the donations cannot be used because the hair is damp when cut. When it is sent out over a few days time, the damp hair will mildew and becomes unusable.

After cutting my hair to donate.

After I had the donation hair cut off, I was able to trim it up to a cute chin length bob that had a some long parts in the front. After all I was only 38 at the time and still wanted to look cute and cool.

About 2 weeks after my round of chemotherapy, my hair starting coming out. At first it was about 10-15 strands  when I would run my fingers through it. The by the next day it was more like 50-75 through my brush.

I wanted to take ownership of my hair loss. I have 3 kids and decided to wait for them to be home from school before I did anything because I didn't want them to come home and mom be bald and be all shocked.

After shaving my head.

So that night after dinner, I told my youngest that we were going to cut mom's hair. My two teenagers kinda just shrugged it off and to be honest, it was the 7 year old I was most concerned about anyways. I grabbed my clippers and my little boy and I went into the bathroom and I explained to him that I was losing my hair because of the medicine I was taking and we were going to shave it off. So with him in there with me, I took a #1 guard and started shaving. I took control. The next day I went to a salon and had them shave it down more because it was hard getting the back and they could do it with out a guard on.

I still had some stubble that never completely fell out no matter how much I massaged my head. Some people find it very itchy or uncomfortable and will choose to use a razor to get it all the way off.

One of my ways of having fun with the hair loss was cool wigs. Who says you have to have a traditional color? On ebay and amazon you can find cos-play wigs (from China mostly)

of every color and style. I have previous had nontraditional colored hair in my life so this was not a huge stretch for me. Also, when my eyebrows finally fell out one month after chemo ended, I decided that it was time for me to be artistic. So every day I used liquid eyeliner and drew on some very interesting eyebrows.

I made the choice to make this into a positive thing and have fun with it. I didn't want to be depressed about my hair, so I just took ownership and basically said "Screw you cancer!"

Don't misunderstand me, I did have a sadness about losing my hair. I took a couple of days to feel sad but then I had to suck it up because being sad did not help me keep my hair.

Part 3 in the Battle of Chemotherapy will be about eating, fingernails and more side effects.

2 months post-chemo, got some fuzz coming in.

The Battle of Chemotherapy

The next stop in my War on Uterine Cancer was chemotherapy. I didn't know what to expect and that is a little scary. I remember being on the phone the night before with a friend having a bit of anxiety and being a bit hyper from the steroids I had to take.

My first 4 hour date with chemo.

I didn't sleep at all that night and the next day was dragging ass. It turned out to not be awful. I was in a room sitting in a comfy chair with other chemo patients. The nurse gave me a warmed blanket and pillows. I brought my lap top with because 4 hours is a long time with nothing to do.

The chemo meds in my drip were Carboplatin, Taxotere and an anti-nausea that I don't recall the name of right now. Then 24 hours after I was done with chemo I had to give myself a shot of Neulasta. That was the part I was concerned about, giving myself a shot. The first time I had my neighbor help me because she was used to giving herself shots of insulin. The Neulasta can cause bone pain so I had to take Claritin starting the day of chemo and for 4-5 days after.

I had to do 6 rounds of chemo, one every three weeks. The side effects were not easy to deal with but by far not as bad as I expected or had heard about from others. I did lose my hair but I will discuss that in my next post.

The biggest side effect for me was the tiredness. It was like this bone weariness that no matter how much sleep I got, wasn't able to get away from for about a week.

The first 2 days after a round of chemo I was ok because I was also given oral steroids to take and wow those gave me some energy. I took 4 pills the day before chemo and 4 the day after. I was also given anti-nausea meds ondansetron 8mg and prochlorperazine 10mg. Those pills were amazing at keeping me from vomiting. I was still feeling queezy here and there and the doc gave me another anti-nausea to take that was fast acting if it came on suddenly.

After the first 2 days, then I noticed things starting to happen. My body felt like it was walking through mud and then after about 5 day it got easier and was like walking through water. By day 7 I was only walking through sand. I was still tired but not as to the bone tired.

As a single mother of 3, I still had things to get done. It was time to get kids back in school for the year and there was no one to help with that as I have no close family. So I just sucked it up, no matter how bad I felt and went and bought new shoes, clothes, school supplies etc.. I also was having diarrhea so before I went anywhere I made sure I was taking some Imodium AD just to make it through the trip and always brought water or a sports drink with me.

So this isn't the end of my chemotherapy info but I will discuss losing my hair and other side effects in the next post.

The First Battle: Hysterectomy

Since I started my adventure with Uterine (Endometrial) Cancer, I have tried to keep a positive attitude. I have been posting on Facebook but I wanted to write something a bit more here.

After my OB/Gyn told me that I have cancer, I didn't panic or cry or get very upset. My first reaction was more of one of "time to rally the troops and win another battle". I never once considered that I might die, that was just not a thought I was willing to embrace. I was ready to fight and win.

I had to have a complete hysterectomy which was performed by my Gyn Oncologist, Dr. Byler Dann, at St. Francis Medical. She used the da Vinci Robot which is minimally invasive. I only ended up with 5 small incisions that were each one inch long. 

After surgery I was a little sore but minimal pain, this was a Friday. I didn't even bother with pain killers. I took ibuprofen 800mg and was up and moving the night of surgery. I was moving slower and had just a little pain when moving from sitting down to standing but nothing unbearable. However, by 9 pm after my 1:30 pm surgery, I had the IV out and put on my own clothes and makeup and was ready to go home the next morning.

I never wanted it to stop me. While I had to slow down, I refused to stop. No time for a pitty party, no need to fuss, just keep moving forward. 

My daughter, Sam, was around to help me with carrying laundry up and down stairs but I still did the laundry myself. On Monday I needed to get out of the house and decided to drive to the store. I was careful while I was there and used one of the electric wheelchairs so I wouldn't overdue it but it felt great to be out and about. I felt strong, I felt like I was winning this first battle.

Come back next week for post 2 and more of my journey.

Bumps In The Road

I would never want to be the type of person who just gets handed things because of affluent parents.

My brother and I were raised by my grandparents since we were very little. My grandfather was a mechanic

Mine was grey but this is a '77 Sunbird.

and my grandmother was a homemaker. We were not rich at all. Most times we were on a very tight budget. Every weekend I remember going to yard sales and flea markets with them. We would take trips to Missouri  now and then to visit my grandfather's family. I never, and still have not, been to Disneyland. I didn't get a new car when I was 16. I got a 1977 Pontiac Sunbird that wasn't shiny but reliably and safely got me around. I worked and paid for my own gas and part of the car. I wouldn't go back and change a thing.

I've been through a lot in my life. Some major ups and downs... struggles and joys. I've had to work and fight for everything and often I think I should write a book about it all. I don't want to go into details now about it all but my close friends know some of it. Maybe someday I will write a book, who knows. However, now I am 38 ...39 is closing in fast... and I have cancer.

The big C ... I was surprised to say the least. However, I don't feel like I am going to die. I have no dread, no sadness, no fear. I just cannot wait to start feeling better. For the past little over a year I have been feeling fatigued after only a little activity, muscle weakness and aches, occasionally I have been overly emotional and sometimes unable to focus on tasks due to severe anemia the cancer was causing. It is uterine cancer and was causing irregular monthly cycles. Not too bad at first, an extra cycle here and there that I blew off as stress related. Then it got worse and I would only go a few days to a week between cycles. That is when the doctors had me start with tests and I was diagnosed. Even from the diagnosis date, I was only relieved to know what was wrong and that it could be treated.

Two and a half weeks ago I had a complete hysterectomy. It was done with the DaVinci Robot and my healing as been very quick. I wonder if the doctor makes "pew, pew, pew" noises when doing the surgery with the robot. "Commander, we have the Death Uterus in our sites, permission to fire lasers" Pew Pew Pew! I have been up and about since the night of surgery and while I was moving slower and was sore around the middle, I felt good.

Since surgery I was informed that they staged the cancer at a 3 and I will need chemo and then radiation. The doctor said I would lose my hair. So I cut 10 inches off to donate. Chemo will be starting in about 3 weeks once I am completely healed from surgery. I will totally rock a blue or pink wig!

People have messaged me to say how my positive attitude is inspiring but this is just me really. I've fought my way through my life, so really there is no other way I know how to be. I wish I could explain how to take a bad situation and look at the positive side and not be constantly depressed. If I knew how to explain it, I would happily for all the people out there who are depressed and feel like they are being pulled under. Don't get me wrong, I have a bad day now and then. It's allowed. Terrible stuff happens and we are allowed to feel bad about it, the key for me is that I allow myself to feel bad for a moment, an hour, a day and then I get over it. Something inside me says "F this cancer, you totally will get through this and be stronger after".

Maybe in having to fight and work hard for everything, I don't see limits only possibilities. I appreciate things because I've worked for them. I wouldn't go back and change any of the good or bad things I have been through because those things have taught me so much. My experiences have added to the story of my life. It's like the Train song "These bruises make for better conversation"