And The Band Played On

It has been a few months since I have written here and I would like to explain. My fight last year with cancer didn't end. It was discovered via CT Scan that I had cancer tumors in my abdominal wall. I had a biopsy to confirm and then surgery to remove the tumors. Six weeks later, after healing, I went to visit my chemo doctor. He said that my CR125 test was very high and he wanted to do a PET Scan. The PET came back and they found tumors in my liver.

This was quite shocking to me and I must admit, rather upsetting.  I asked the doctor how long I have left. He could not give me a time table but said that with remission he has seen people live 10 years or longer and in no way was he saying that I only have 6 months left to live.

The plan for now is to do 3 rounds of chemo and then another PET Scan to see how the cancer is reacting. Obviously, we are hoping it will go into remission and I am keeping a positive attitude that is exactly what will happen and I will have many years left. Of course I have taken time to process the information and even cry to get to that positive attitude but I decided that to keep crying would do no one any good.

I do however have a practical side and am working on putting my affairs in order. I have children and am a single mother, so I have to make sure they will be taken care of in the event that this goes sideways.  I plan to consult with a lawyer in my state to see how much say I will be allowed to have in my will about where and how my children are to be raised. If you are a single parent with a questionable father or mother of your children, it is very important that you know what your rights are and your children's rights. States each have different custody laws and different ages where they will take what the kids want into consideration. If you are in a similar situation, please consult with an attorney.

My children are what I live and breath for and while I take care of the practical side, I also want to spend time with them. I want to build memories for them to look back on and know they were loved very much. One day I won't be here and the memories of me is what they will have to hold on to. I am not worried about buying them things... toys break, interests change, children grow. I want to make gingerbread men, take them to events, string popcorn for the Christmas tree, play games and snuggle up on the couch with popcorn and a movie.

Those are the important things and what my focus is on besides fighting cancer. This is my life and no matter how long that life is, I have my priorities together and know the person I am. Cancer doesn't change who I am, it will come or it will go but the tune of my life goes on.

breath life

Here is my grand thought for today. As I await my CT Scan results, I have thought about life and death and sickness and health. I have decided that we are all going to die someday, there really is no getting around it and none of us know when the moment of our death will be.

I want to live like I am dying. I want to embrace life and try to do all the things I want to do. I have cancer and still I am in the same boat as everyone else, I have no clue when I am going to die. I believe it will be closer to when I am 94 instead of next year but ultimately I have no clue.

I want to work hard every day and make it as full as I possibly can. I want to build my business successfully not to have new things but to have better moments. Having a success business will give me the means to have those moments. I want to be able to support my kids and be able to secure their future and at the same time, give them new experiences to help them develop as people.

So often I see people go through life thinking there is always a tomorrow. They can take that weekend away with their family in a few months. They can spend more time with their kids tomorrow. They can wait on life insurance because they are young yet.

NO... don't wait, do it NOW. Live like you are going to die and make the most of your life right now. Forget about possessions that you cannot take with you. Spend time with people you love. Build that business you have always wanted. Take that weekend away with your family. Spend the afternoon finger painting with your kids NOW. You cannot take that new car to the grave with you, but your friends and your family can have beautiful memories of time spent with them. Your kids can appreciate that you planned for their future even after you are gone.

Having cancer has given me a unique perspective on life. I love life and I want to live as long as possible but I want to live each day like it could be my last and appreciate everything life has to offer.

Take chances, make mistakes, find something you love to do.

Don't just have a life, LIVE. Breath life until the day you cannot breath anymore.