Dear You

Dear You,

Hi it's me. I was going through some stuff this morning and found the basket from the first time you ever sent me flowers years ago. I don't attach sentiment to objects but I kept the basket thinking I could use it again because it was sturdy and nice. Seeing it today made me think.

It made me think about the good, the bad, the love, the hurt, the beauty and the ugly.

I started crying, big tears just rolled down my face as memories flooded my mind. I thought about adding the basket to my box of donation things but I couldn't do that. Maybe I am more sentimental than I thought. So I let it sit there not knowing what to do with it. Here this THING was, reminding me of you, bringing to memory things I wanted to keep tucked away.

It even ran through my thoughts to destroy it. Just stomp it and rip it apart like some thing to make my hurt go away but this basket was not the center of my hurt, it was just a THING. The hurt resides in my heart and I can't just destroy the THING and make my hurt stop. The only thing that will make the hurt go away is time.

So I will keep the basket. As I'm writing This letter I have decided that I will use the basket for something positive because when I got the flowers in the basket, it was a kind thing, a good thing.

Everyday for a month I am going to write a little note to myself of something positive that happened that day. I will put the notes in the basket and at the end of the month, I will sit down and read all the little notes from the month and remember that even on my bad days, something good happened.

My first note today will be "I found this basket and put it to a positive use."


Love Always,

Me

Sponsors for Second Life Live Music Venues

For those who don't know, Second Life Live Music Venue owners typically carry all the costs of running the venues. They pay tier for land to have the venue on, some venues pay the performers and some are tips only and some pay a staff.  Most rely on venue tips to help recoup just a small fraction of those costs, however, it rarely comes close to covering even the costs of paying performers. So it is very important that people do tip the venues when they can. Tipping is a kind gesture to thank venues for providing free entertainment.

To further help alleviate some of the costs, I recommend venues try to find sponsors. I have had success in the past with finding sponsors for the performers I manage for their individual shows. Also, I have had success with sponsors covering costs for big events.

Here are a few ways to get started finding sponsors.....

1. Figure out your venues numbers. How many shows a week for how many hours. Then keep track of your average draw per hour. This can be done simply by looking at how many people are at the show at the mid way point which is typically the peak time. Keep track of those numbers for a few weeks and then you have something to approach sponsors with.

In real life events are sponsored all the time.

2. Know how much of your costs you are trying to cover. If you spend L$XXXXX a week, what % would you like to get sponsors to help with?

3. Put together a note card that outlines the data from your venue numbers to show the sponsors how many people they can reach by sponsoring your shows. Also, include how long the sponsorship would last.... weekly? monthly?

4. Reach out to content creators that are suitable for your venue and explain to them that you can offer to place their Logo on a clickable prim or adboard with a LM to their location near your stage for X amount of time for X amount of L$. Also, it will help to explain that the sponsors will be mentioned by you or your staff through out the shows X number of times.

Don't fear rejection, this is after all a sales pitch to the content creators. You have to go through some no's before you get to yes's but if you can point out the benefit to the creators, then eventually you will find some willing to give it a chance.

Start with creators from stores where you shop, then you can tell them that you are a regular customer and you will feel good about promoting their brand at your venue.

This is just a quick blog post with ideas, its up to you to put in the time and effort to make it happen. I'm happy to consult with venue owners if you need more information or tips on how to go about finding sponsors. Just drop me a notecard in Second Life, Kalli Birman is my legacy name.

Dose of Nature

I was asked to try a product from Dose of Nature called Redstrap CBD in Hemp Oil. So as much as I have heard about the benefits of CBD (Cannabinoids), I decided to give it a try. 

Lets start with taste, I added the 20 drops to cold beverages like fruit smoothies. It didn't really help to cover the oily flavor. I tend to be sensitive to tastes and it didn't agree with me, however, I decided to keep going. It is available in other oils like the one pictures to the right in Olive Oil. 

As for the benefits, I didn't really feel anything different during the day. At night I found I did sleep a bit better, less restless.

Each person is different and reacts differently to various products. I would say to try it for yourself and see if it has benefits for you.

The Battle of Chemotherapy Part 3

Aside from the hair loss, there are other side effects that come with chemotherapy. They can vary by person and by which drug you are taking for your cancer. These are just the ones that I had and How I choose to deal with them.

I was tired from about day 2 after chemo. It was that kind of tired that was your whole being head to toe just really didn't want to do much. I often compare it to feeling like your body is walking through mud, that rather slow motion feeling that you just cannot shake. Around day 4 post treatment, It was more like walking through water, easier but still tired. About day 6 was when I was feeling much better. The only thing that helped a bit for me was stretching, getting up and stretching for about 10 minutes would give me just a bit of energy for a short period.

I still had kids to take care of an a life to live. So I just sucked it up and went to do what needed done. I was at the sporting goods store with my middle child shopping for running shoes, I went to get the same one a new cell phone and I had to get them things to start the school year. Somewhere inside me I just said "Screw you cancer, I have stuff to do." Then after running my errands, I would come home and nap.

Knowing my white blood count was low, I made sure to use the anti-bacterial wipes on shopping carts and carried some in my purse for stores with out them. I also tried to stay further away from other shoppers just in case anyone was out sick.

Another prominent side effect is nausea and vomiting. My doctors gave me 2 long acting meds, Zofran and Compazine and then later on a faster acting short term Ativan. These meds are a god send! I wasn't queezy often as long as I was taking them and I only vomited once when I had forgotten.

Food is another tricky subject. I didn't feel like eating much and when I did, it tasted funny or no taste at all for about 10 days after chemo. I ended up losing about 40 pounds. Everyone you know will offer you diet advice. GMO Free, Organic, Free Range, Gluten Free, Paleo, Vegan, etc etc etc etc. Just thank them for their thoughts and say something like "I will remember to discuss that with my doctor." You get sick of the advice but in your heart you know it comes from a place of wanting you to be healthy, so you deal with it. Then just eat the damn twinky or whatever you can manage to tolerate or might taste not wretched to your chemical filled taste buds. Healthy is always best but if corn dogs and pretzels (or whatever) is the only things that taste good or at least not horrible, go for it. Just get some calories in you in some form.

There are other random side effects that will change from person to person, you might have numbness or tingling in your fingers and/or toes. Yes chemo brain is a real thing. Some people lose finger and toe nails, I didn't lose mine but my finger nails developed ridges.

This is where I will leave off for now... stay tuned for the next battle story.

The Battle of Chemotherapy Part 2

Before cutting my hair to donate.

My hair has always been a source of vanity for me. Right before I started chemo, it was very long and black and shiny. I loved it and knowing I was going to lose it, made me a little sad but I decided that instead of being sad, someone else should benefit.

So I took my hair when it was completely dry and made small ponytails up to my shoulders. I took the scissors and started cutting right above the ponytail holder. I decided that before I lost my hair, I would donate 12 inches of it to help others. It was empowering to know that my loss could help someone else. If you are planning on doing the same, remember to do this when your hair is totally dry because I read that often the donations cannot be used because the hair is damp when cut. When it is sent out over a few days time, the damp hair will mildew and becomes unusable.

After cutting my hair to donate.

After I had the donation hair cut off, I was able to trim it up to a cute chin length bob that had a some long parts in the front. After all I was only 38 at the time and still wanted to look cute and cool.

About 2 weeks after my round of chemotherapy, my hair starting coming out. At first it was about 10-15 strands  when I would run my fingers through it. The by the next day it was more like 50-75 through my brush.

I wanted to take ownership of my hair loss. I have 3 kids and decided to wait for them to be home from school before I did anything because I didn't want them to come home and mom be bald and be all shocked.

After shaving my head.

So that night after dinner, I told my youngest that we were going to cut mom's hair. My two teenagers kinda just shrugged it off and to be honest, it was the 7 year old I was most concerned about anyways. I grabbed my clippers and my little boy and I went into the bathroom and I explained to him that I was losing my hair because of the medicine I was taking and we were going to shave it off. So with him in there with me, I took a #1 guard and started shaving. I took control. The next day I went to a salon and had them shave it down more because it was hard getting the back and they could do it with out a guard on.

I still had some stubble that never completely fell out no matter how much I massaged my head. Some people find it very itchy or uncomfortable and will choose to use a razor to get it all the way off.

One of my ways of having fun with the hair loss was cool wigs. Who says you have to have a traditional color? On ebay and amazon you can find cos-play wigs (from China mostly)

of every color and style. I have previous had nontraditional colored hair in my life so this was not a huge stretch for me. Also, when my eyebrows finally fell out one month after chemo ended, I decided that it was time for me to be artistic. So every day I used liquid eyeliner and drew on some very interesting eyebrows.

I made the choice to make this into a positive thing and have fun with it. I didn't want to be depressed about my hair, so I just took ownership and basically said "Screw you cancer!"

Don't misunderstand me, I did have a sadness about losing my hair. I took a couple of days to feel sad but then I had to suck it up because being sad did not help me keep my hair.

Part 3 in the Battle of Chemotherapy will be about eating, fingernails and more side effects.

2 months post-chemo, got some fuzz coming in.

The Battle of Chemotherapy

The next stop in my War on Uterine Cancer was chemotherapy. I didn't know what to expect and that is a little scary. I remember being on the phone the night before with a friend having a bit of anxiety and being a bit hyper from the steroids I had to take.

My first 4 hour date with chemo.

I didn't sleep at all that night and the next day was dragging ass. It turned out to not be awful. I was in a room sitting in a comfy chair with other chemo patients. The nurse gave me a warmed blanket and pillows. I brought my lap top with because 4 hours is a long time with nothing to do.

The chemo meds in my drip were Carboplatin, Taxotere and an anti-nausea that I don't recall the name of right now. Then 24 hours after I was done with chemo I had to give myself a shot of Neulasta. That was the part I was concerned about, giving myself a shot. The first time I had my neighbor help me because she was used to giving herself shots of insulin. The Neulasta can cause bone pain so I had to take Claritin starting the day of chemo and for 4-5 days after.

I had to do 6 rounds of chemo, one every three weeks. The side effects were not easy to deal with but by far not as bad as I expected or had heard about from others. I did lose my hair but I will discuss that in my next post.

The biggest side effect for me was the tiredness. It was like this bone weariness that no matter how much sleep I got, wasn't able to get away from for about a week.

The first 2 days after a round of chemo I was ok because I was also given oral steroids to take and wow those gave me some energy. I took 4 pills the day before chemo and 4 the day after. I was also given anti-nausea meds ondansetron 8mg and prochlorperazine 10mg. Those pills were amazing at keeping me from vomiting. I was still feeling queezy here and there and the doc gave me another anti-nausea to take that was fast acting if it came on suddenly.

After the first 2 days, then I noticed things starting to happen. My body felt like it was walking through mud and then after about 5 day it got easier and was like walking through water. By day 7 I was only walking through sand. I was still tired but not as to the bone tired.

As a single mother of 3, I still had things to get done. It was time to get kids back in school for the year and there was no one to help with that as I have no close family. So I just sucked it up, no matter how bad I felt and went and bought new shoes, clothes, school supplies etc.. I also was having diarrhea so before I went anywhere I made sure I was taking some Imodium AD just to make it through the trip and always brought water or a sports drink with me.

So this isn't the end of my chemotherapy info but I will discuss losing my hair and other side effects in the next post.

The First Battle: Hysterectomy

Since I started my adventure with Uterine (Endometrial) Cancer, I have tried to keep a positive attitude. I have been posting on Facebook but I wanted to write something a bit more here.

After my OB/Gyn told me that I have cancer, I didn't panic or cry or get very upset. My first reaction was more of one of "time to rally the troops and win another battle". I never once considered that I might die, that was just not a thought I was willing to embrace. I was ready to fight and win.

I had to have a complete hysterectomy which was performed by my Gyn Oncologist, Dr. Byler Dann, at St. Francis Medical. She used the da Vinci Robot which is minimally invasive. I only ended up with 5 small incisions that were each one inch long. 

After surgery I was a little sore but minimal pain, this was a Friday. I didn't even bother with pain killers. I took ibuprofen 800mg and was up and moving the night of surgery. I was moving slower and had just a little pain when moving from sitting down to standing but nothing unbearable. However, by 9 pm after my 1:30 pm surgery, I had the IV out and put on my own clothes and makeup and was ready to go home the next morning.

I never wanted it to stop me. While I had to slow down, I refused to stop. No time for a pitty party, no need to fuss, just keep moving forward. 

My daughter, Sam, was around to help me with carrying laundry up and down stairs but I still did the laundry myself. On Monday I needed to get out of the house and decided to drive to the store. I was careful while I was there and used one of the electric wheelchairs so I wouldn't overdue it but it felt great to be out and about. I felt strong, I felt like I was winning this first battle.

Come back next week for post 2 and more of my journey.