Thursday, August 20, 2015

Cancer and Big Girl Panties

My name is Brandy and I have cancer, it doesn't have me. I was diagnosed with uterine cancer in the Spring of 2014 at the age of 38. I had to have a complete hysterectomy and then went on to chemotherapy and then radiation.

That was a fucking hard time in my life. I tried to get through it the best I could, the way I get through things. I often pushed myself to do things for my kids, to do just a little bit of housework or try to accomplish some projects that needed done. I had no family to help me, no one was coming over bringing meals, no one was here but me and my kids. I had good days and I had bad but no matter what my day was, life kept happening around me. So here I would sit, lay, sleep and do what I could when I could. I knew if I had to run out to grocery shop, I would need time to rest later. I knew if I had a parent teacher meeting in the evening, I would have to rest up during the day. I would try to do as much as I could to still function and feel some semblance of normal.

I tried to keep positive and see all of that as a part of the journey of my life, as something I was dealing with and would overcome. Some days I could do that, other times I cried and felt like crap but one thing always there, always inside me was a fighting spirit. People who knew my journey told me that my attitude was inspirational. That warmed my heart but I wasn't trying to inspire anyone, I was just dealing with things the only way I knew how.

I don't think I am special or unique, I think I just do things the way that is best for ME. Everyone is different and handles situations in their own way. I don't want to be seen as better or worse than anyone else in the way I deal with things. This is MY way and it may or may not apply to others.

fighting to live, cancer, inner warrior, big girl panties
I also had great friends that would let me vent my frustrations when I had them. People who, while they don't live close, are near and dear to my heart. If not for them I would have felt a lot more isolated and alone. They encouraged me and believed in me and I was able to draw strength from that as well.

My journey isn't over, I'm on to the next fork in the road. I have two new cancer spots in my abdomen and have to have surgery and then on to more treatment. I am going to try to handle it the best way I can for me. Some days I will want to do nothing but then there is a voice inside me that says "Bitch, put on your big girl panties, suck it up and do something."

As I enter the new chapter in my journey, I hope to be able to balance things as I did before. I know my body will be going through a lot. I will need time to heal from surgery and I will need to rest to let my body fight. I also know that life will keep happening no matter how I feel. My son will still need to go to soccer, I will still have dishes that need done, meals that will need cooked (microwaved at the very least) and the holidays will come and go. I just have to keep organized and be able to fit in as much as possible. I will need to allow some flexibility for my body to get what it needs but I also will have to try to do as much as I can when I can.

You often have to take things day by day or even hour by hour but even the little things you accomplish can make you feel like you have had a victory. It could be just unloading the dishwasher, folding some laundry or even just getting up and getting dressed but each thing you can accomplish while fighting for your life can make you feel like you won a small battle. Give yourself a little cheer when you can get something done but don't get down on yourself when you cannot. Everyone's fight is different and you need to listen to your body and make the choices that are right for you.


3 comments:

  1. Your message is strong, inspiring hope. Life isn't easy but worth fighting for. Wishing you strength, health and success. Thank you for sharing!

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  2. Tracy Gilley Howe MartinAugust 24, 2015 at 2:08 PM

    Being a breast cancer survivor, I feel ya! Keep fighting! My hopes and prayers go out to you! One step at a time. One day at a time. Keep the faith, my friend!!

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