And The Band Played On

It has been a few months since I have written here and I would like to explain. My fight last year with cancer didn't end. It was discovered via CT Scan that I had cancer tumors in my abdominal wall. I had a biopsy to confirm and then surgery to remove the tumors. Six weeks later, after healing, I went to visit my chemo doctor. He said that my CR125 test was very high and he wanted to do a PET Scan. The PET came back and they found tumors in my liver.

This was quite shocking to me and I must admit, rather upsetting.  I asked the doctor how long I have left. He could not give me a time table but said that with remission he has seen people live 10 years or longer and in no way was he saying that I only have 6 months left to live.

The plan for now is to do 3 rounds of chemo and then another PET Scan to see how the cancer is reacting. Obviously, we are hoping it will go into remission and I am keeping a positive attitude that is exactly what will happen and I will have many years left. Of course I have taken time to process the information and even cry to get to that positive attitude but I decided that to keep crying would do no one any good.

I do however have a practical side and am working on putting my affairs in order. I have children and am a single mother, so I have to make sure they will be taken care of in the event that this goes sideways.  I plan to consult with a lawyer in my state to see how much say I will be allowed to have in my will about where and how my children are to be raised. If you are a single parent with a questionable father or mother of your children, it is very important that you know what your rights are and your children's rights. States each have different custody laws and different ages where they will take what the kids want into consideration. If you are in a similar situation, please consult with an attorney.

My children are what I live and breath for and while I take care of the practical side, I also want to spend time with them. I want to build memories for them to look back on and know they were loved very much. One day I won't be here and the memories of me is what they will have to hold on to. I am not worried about buying them things... toys break, interests change, children grow. I want to make gingerbread men, take them to events, string popcorn for the Christmas tree, play games and snuggle up on the couch with popcorn and a movie.

Those are the important things and what my focus is on besides fighting cancer. This is my life and no matter how long that life is, I have my priorities together and know the person I am. Cancer doesn't change who I am, it will come or it will go but the tune of my life goes on.