Sometimes The Answer Is No

I was inspired to write more about kids today. We all want our kids to have a better life than we had and for them to have every advantage possible. However, I think we need to be more realistic about what our kids actually NEED as opposed to WANT.

Our kids need our love, supervision, food, shelter, clothing and education. Those are very basic needs. I will even say that our kids need entertainment and friends. What is the point of working hard at school if they cannot also enjoy what life has to offer.

Then there are the wants and as a parent to 3 kids (2 of them teens), I can tell you, there is a LONG list of wants. Almost daily I hear from at least one of my kids, "Mom can you get me _________?" Fill in the blank with the latest toy, electronic or coolest clothing item.

As parents who love our kids, we don't want to see them denied the things they want but sometimes you have to say no.  For whatever reason, sometimes financial, sometimes to make our kids understand that they have to earn things or whatever your reason is, you have to reject their request.

I believe it is very good to say no to our kids when they ask for things. Especially if the item they want will cost more than $10. To some, $10 may not seem like much, to others it's a lot because they might be struggling financially. With the average American income being just over $47,000 a year, $10 here and there, adds up quickly. It might not even be a THING they want but it could be an outing that will cost more than $10. For those of various means, feel free to set the dollar amount at what is right for your family.

In saying no to something, a child will usually ask why. Take this opportunity to educate your children. Educate them on the costs of items and living expenses. It is easier to explain living expenses to older children but for the younger ones, use this chance to teach them about money and that just because you have a plastic card to slide through a machine, doesn't mean things are free.

Sometimes, you can deny your kid the latest gadget but give them a way to earn it. For the older kids, maybe something along the lines of... if I were to pay you $8 an hour (above the federal minimum wage of $7.25), how long would you have to work to earn what you want? For younger kids who wouldn't understand about minimum wage, you can tell them they have to do X to earn what they want (earn being the key word there).

In this way, you not only teach your kids about money and responsibility, you also give them a way that they can feel proud about earning what they want. It's very important to give kids the sense of self satisfaction of knowing they can do things and earn rewards.

Being a parent, I see kids all the time that have a huge sense of entitlement. They think that just because they exist that they deserve to be given what they want. I'm not saying this all lies in the hands of the parents, it also has to do with marketing to kids from companies.

What I would love to see is parents finding more ways to entertain kids for free or inexpensively.  Often there are community events that cost nothing or little to go to. Museums often have days that are free for city residents.

So I'm challenging you, if you have kids, to go right now and do some searching online or in the local newspaper to find things you can do with your kids that cost very little. In the end, it's not how much money we spend on the kids, it's how much love and time we can give them.