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| Photo by Lauren Randolph |
Yes, in SL it doesn't always matter what your real life marital status is because SL is viewed separately from real life. Married people come into Second Life a lot of times as an escape from the marriage they are unhappy with. That being said, I am not accepting or condemning this, I am just stating that it is done.
The focus on what I am writing is Second Life Monogamy so we will stick to that topic. I have noticed that in SL, polygamy is far more accepted than in RL. I think that in a place where you can change into a dragon, a mermaid, a pig that walks on hind legs or just about anything imaginable, people are more apt to accept multiple partners.
I guess I am old fashioned because I believe in monogamy in SL and RL and if your relationship has the potential to move from SL to RL, then why would you not be monogamous in both places. I frequently run into men who are open about their polygamy or just say "I don't want a steady girlfriend" but they still want to be intimate. There are women out there that are the same way but since I am a woman, I can only speak from my perspective.
Ultimately it's each person's choice as to how to live their Second Life. I choose to be monogamous because I think more of myself than to be part of someone's line up. If someone thinks I am great, then they can be with only me. I really feel it is unfair to date many people at once because then you never really give any of them the chance to be "The One". If you do the "weeding out" method of dating several people at once to see who you are compatible with, how will you know if you have different personalities to consider. You can like qualities from each person and pick apart their faults because tomorrow night you have another choice.
Even if you are upfront with these people you are seeing, don't you think one or more might get attached? What happens when they are online at the same time? I know I don't want to be snuggling in front of a movie and have the guy I'm seeing in IMs with another woman making plans for in a couple hours. During the rare moments that I have quiet time, I would like their full attention. In the end, if it's not a truly polygamist relationship, someone will get hurt.
I often hear the excuse of "I'm still hurting over my ex" so they don't want a relationship. Then DON'T DATE... don't get intimate with a woman until the time you feel you can offer her more than a one night stand or being part of a harem.A good woman, won't want to share and a great woman will walk away knowing they are too good to not be the one and only.
Ok... off my soapbox now... thanks for listening :)
Attachments, jealousy, RL/SL crossovers, Cheating...etc. They're all a part of our SL. Honestly I tend to take a Live and let Live attitude. I know what works for me isn't going to work for someone else. All I ask is to not be judged or discredited for my SLifestyle choices. Whether Monogamous or Poly-amorous, my choice is my own and only involves who I'm with at the time. What bothers me most are those who judge me, look down on me or start viscous rumors about me because they either don't understand, are miserable in their own SLifestyle choice or have brought their own RL ignorance/hatred/misgivings into Sl.
ReplyDeleteI'm not saying either is better or best for any one person in SL. It's a personal choice. I've been on both sides of the fence and personally I prefer Monogamy over Poly-amory both RL and in SL, but that's my choice.
I agree with you Brandy. I have seen many people get hurt in SL due to this very issue.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you! I'm married in RL and would never enter into any kind of relationship with anyone in SL. (My av is partnered with my husband's av). I would see that as cheating. I don't understand how people can justify having an 'SL girlfriend or boyfriend'. There are real people behind the avatars. It's fun to be a tiny, a horse for kicks etc, but that isn't hurting anyone. If my husband was sat at the computer night after night being intimate with another person, it would absolutely crush me. Therefore, I can't comprehend anyone that allows this to happen in their relationship. My morals are often deemed old fashioned, but to
ReplyDeleteMe, marriage is for life.
Hi, you make the discussion with,on one hand, "human attributes." Yet also bring in "dragon, a mermaid, a pig that walks on hind legs or just about anything imaginable" as the 'other' attributes of SL on the other. Some of which, including vamps, furries and nekos who don't have gender symbols. Or Folks who choose to be bots or borgs and have Neutral gender.
ReplyDeleteMaybe just stick to "human" types.